When I got married to my husband, we did not live together first (nor did we have sex before marriage). I had multiple people saying, "Caitlin, I can't believe you are getting married before living together. That is the best way to get to know each other to see if you want to get married."
In society today, this is the common practice for relationships. I have to admit, it seems logical. In fact, it wasn't until reading the book "Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy" by Robert and Jeanette Lauer that I really understood in detail what the problem was (besides what my own personal beliefs were).
I want to start by listing some of the reasons that people cohabit:
1. To see if they are compatible.
2. Simply because you don't want to live alone.
3. To split the living expenses with another person.
I know that there are other reasons, but I will just focus on a few. Some of the reasons to cohabit are actually the reasons not to. It has been statistically proven that those who married without cohabiting first are far more likely to have a fulfilling marriage. I know it seems crazy, but here are the reasons why:
1. Spouse who cohabited are less supportive of each other. Those who cohabit lead separate lives, splitting the costs and focusing on personal ambitions. In marriage, you share everything. This transition is difficult when the precedence of independence has been set in the relationship during cohabitation.
2. Spouses who cohabited are more likely to get divorced. This is especially evident among individuals who have cohabited with multiple people prior to marriage. "Women who cohabit with multiple people are twice as likely to get a divorce than those who only cohabited with their spouse." (Lauer and Lauer 2012)
3. Spouses who cohabited are less committed. The reason that this may be is that "they are less inclined to view marriage as a sacred institution." (Lauer and Lauer 2012). Therefore, their commitment of staying in the marriage tends to be more fickle.
Ultimately, marriage is an institution that should be completely committed. Before cohabiting, take a look at the research. Figure out why you want to cohabit and what your beliefs are about marriage. As you reflect on these things, you may realize that cohabitation is not gearing you for success.
Lauer and Lauer (2012). "Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy"
In society today, this is the common practice for relationships. I have to admit, it seems logical. In fact, it wasn't until reading the book "Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy" by Robert and Jeanette Lauer that I really understood in detail what the problem was (besides what my own personal beliefs were).
I want to start by listing some of the reasons that people cohabit:
1. To see if they are compatible.
2. Simply because you don't want to live alone.
3. To split the living expenses with another person.
I know that there are other reasons, but I will just focus on a few. Some of the reasons to cohabit are actually the reasons not to. It has been statistically proven that those who married without cohabiting first are far more likely to have a fulfilling marriage. I know it seems crazy, but here are the reasons why:
1. Spouse who cohabited are less supportive of each other. Those who cohabit lead separate lives, splitting the costs and focusing on personal ambitions. In marriage, you share everything. This transition is difficult when the precedence of independence has been set in the relationship during cohabitation.
2. Spouses who cohabited are more likely to get divorced. This is especially evident among individuals who have cohabited with multiple people prior to marriage. "Women who cohabit with multiple people are twice as likely to get a divorce than those who only cohabited with their spouse." (Lauer and Lauer 2012)
3. Spouses who cohabited are less committed. The reason that this may be is that "they are less inclined to view marriage as a sacred institution." (Lauer and Lauer 2012). Therefore, their commitment of staying in the marriage tends to be more fickle.
Ultimately, marriage is an institution that should be completely committed. Before cohabiting, take a look at the research. Figure out why you want to cohabit and what your beliefs are about marriage. As you reflect on these things, you may realize that cohabitation is not gearing you for success.
Lauer and Lauer (2012). "Marriage and Family: The Quest for Intimacy"